freedom.
is being able to ride the metro subway and watch the fascinating scenery as I turn my head towards the window, enjoying the new landscape that passes through the tinted glass.
freedom.
theres something about taking a trip on the subway that gives me peace. maybe it’s the fact that im traveling, that im independent, that I can just go wherever I want whenever I want. I can just sit back, relax, listen, meditate, and observe and know that im still heading somewhere, that I have a direction.
today was such an interesting day.
it was definitely a spontaneous trip, but nonetheless divine. Who knew that taking the goldline subway/railway would be so interesting? god had placed divine appointments and places for me to stop by despite the fact that my decision to travel on the subway was so impulsive. which amazingly, is another aspect that shows his sovereignty—despite the fact that my decision to go somewhere was so unplanned, god had still used it for his glory, placing people that he specifically wanted me to meet, that he had indeed planned for me to meet in the midst of my spontaneity.
I had decided to take to goldline to check out my workplace, to make sure that I knew how to travel there by train so I wouldn’t get lost when I do start my first day of work on Thursday (how exciting!). I got off at the LA union station and walked around to see how I would get to my next train, the purple line. A diverse array of people swarmed the trains and the corridors, and I was a little afraid—would I be safe? the place and the people were, you could say, a bit shady—for lack of a better term. when I looked at them, I could tell they had a story to tell, although some stories would be more painful than others. I saw their need, their blank expressions, their weary countenance, their limp bodily posture. ‘God will you help them’ I prayed. I was aware once again, how I live in a bubble, how I still don’t know suffering and how life is outside of sunshine and kisses.
as I was heading back out, this one man caught my eye... I had a feeling he wanted to talk to me. and as I was moving closer to him, he approached me and told me his story.
“could you help me? I need money to take the train to see my baby son. he’s in the hospital right now and I don’t have enough money to go there... he’s got a seizure, and he’s struggling to live right now. I need to see him... if you could spare me a dollar...”
and as I looked into his eyes, compassion flooded into me. even if his story was made up and even if he didn’t intend to use it for bus fare, I still wanted to help him. god help me to help him.... and so I gave him some money, hoping that he would use it for a noble purpose and not one that would be detrimental to his life.
“god bless you, thank you, thank you, god bless you”
I then asked him if I could pray for him. after I prayed, he ran off quickly, as if he was in a rush to get somewhere, and I continued on my way. but still I felt some unrest... for some reason, I felt the strong urge to pray—to pray for what? I wasn’t sure, but the spirit was prompting me to pray. and so I sat down on a bench and prayed.... seeking god and letting the holyspirit intercede for me... I realized during my prayer that the Holyspirit was praying for protection (protection from what?)... and again I was praying for the man I had just met, Louie. I was asking god to protect him as well, and for god to give me another chance to see him. and I was curious...god, is he really going to use the money for bus fare? was he really telling the truth? after my prayer, I walked back to the train to head back home—
and there he was.
but shockingly, he was surrounded by police. they were searching him, and they had him take off his shoes. when I saw him and he saw me, I couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt... betrayed even. I walked right past him without looking... I couldn’t explain really what I felt. I knew, and he knew that I knew, and I didn’t want to see him. I was then asking god why he had allowed me to meet Louie... and then I was reminded that I shouldn’t have avoided him the second time, that god had given me another chance to talk to him and when I saw him at the stairway, and I shouldve came up to him and asked if he needed anything more. God reminded me that I could’ve taken this opportunity to further show the Father’s love—His love that knows our every intention both good and wicked yet in His goodness, he still reaches out to us despite our sin.
Wow. God wanted me to show Louie that kind of love.
He let me see Louie at that particular moment in that particular state for a reason. I had seen him in his sin, I had caught him in the middle of a lie, yet God still wanted me to reach out to him and ask him if there was anything else I could help him with. when I made that realization, he had already ran away, probably to avoid seeing me or dealing with me. still my heart hurt for him... I wonder what he’s going through? why does he need money, what prompts him to lie? should I be so presumptuous as to assume that he wanted to buy more drugs and alcohol?
By then I was already riding the train back home. a girl then taped me and told me that she was lost. she had come from the san Fernando valley but somehow she ended up in LA and she didn’t know where she was or where she was going.
“Could you help me? im so lost, I don’t know this area. Im kind of stranded. I need to find Highland Park... do you know if this train goes there?”
She looked frightened. what was a young girl doing so far away from her home? I could only guess... probably she needed to get away from her house. I told her that the train does stop there, and that it was coming soon. I asked her if she needed me to help her find the Mcdonalds she was looking for—apparently that’s where the friend she was looking for lives close to. she looked at me—“really? yeah that would be great” and then the train stopped at Highland Park and she immediately got off, and I followed behind her. But like the other man, she ran off without looking behind her, and I wondered if she even knew that I got off behind her. weird... but... okay.
I got back on the train heading home again, and I decided to take a spontaneous detour and get off Mission st in South Pasadena instead of getting off Allen st. in Pasadena. Again, I guess its because I love to travel and I love to go wherever I feel led to go without having any restraints, traveling by spontaneity. The place that I got off at is like a cute, quiet little village (where Busters the coffee shop is located, and where AOW performed last year! :]) and I was strolling down the quiet streets when this shop caught my eye. I went inside... and I can honestly say it is one of the cutest and most artistic clothing shops I have ever seen. on the wall there were paintings don display... one of the most artistic, innovative, creative, meaningful, and beautiful paintings I have even seen. I was captured by the fascinating colors and the concepts/ materials that the artist used... and for some reason I felt like this artist received their ingenuity and creativity from god. it had to be from god... this artist was amazing.... I was completely captivated by their artwork. I then talked to the store owner and inquired about the paintings on display,
“Yes the artist that painted these is a dear friend of mine, but she currently works in a non-profit mission organization, and she creates paintings on the side. But art is her first passion. She loves everything about art, and every type of art, and she’s very good at all of them.”
whooaa.
omygoodness.
whoa....
wow god, is this not exactly like me?
I love everything about art, every aspect of it, and every form of art whether it be singing, writing, painting—any form of expression. every time I do something other than art, im always compelled to remember my passion for art, my passion to create and to make and to express. God I still don’t know what you intend to do with this passion, but Lord I believe that you put this burning desire in me for a reason. I was made to create. that much I know. to create art that brings love, light , and life into the world. I felt like god was using this store owner to speak to me. and I was right, the artist who created the paintings loves god with a passion... and it definitely shows through her artwork. God has blessed her with amazing talent.
so today was a completely spontaneous yet eventful/ insightful day. im still contemplating why god would have me meet the people that I met today, but there is no other word to describe today other than divine. divine appointing. as I was meditating on my day, I was surprised to see how god had used me and how he had brought me to the places that he wanted me to be at despite the fact that I had failed him so miserably and realized my sin so clearly a few days ago. I was humbled and shocked that he had yet again chosen to use me to show love despite the state I was in, regardless of the fact that I had outright told god that I didn’t know how to love, that I couldn’t love. It amazes me to see how much god still desires to use us and trusts us—humans, of all things!—and how he is oh so willing to incorporate us into the grand scheme of his amazing glory. I mean, heck, I cant even trust myself... but god trusts me enough to allow me to minister to people, despite my condition and my heart. amazing love. I am... humbled. amazing, amazing love. God, thank you for allowing me to minister to your people, and thank you Lord for ministering to me through the people you allowed me to minister to.
thank you lord, thank you. :']
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