About Me

This blog is dedicated to the glorification of my King Jesus Christ.

Friday, August 26, 2011

an ocean of love

as i was standing by the ocean admiring the calm tides melting in and out of the mass body of water,
i felt the lord telling me
"my love for you is more vast than the ocean"

and i tried to visually picture what that meant. my eyes began to scan the waters and search the ocean to and fro, to try to measure the length of the ocean, to try to fathom the depths of the sea, to grasp my head around the amount of water that must lie in just the pacific ocean. and as i searched the ocean, i could see the waters dominate for hundreds and hundreds of miles on end; so vast was this ocean that the towering moiuntains just faintly rose from behind this sea of goliath.

wow. how far even just this body of water stretched i do not even know, nor can i fully grasp it all. there came a point as i was examining the ocean when i could no longer see it anymore. perhaps that was where the ocean ended, or perhaps that was the point where my limited peripheral vision could no longer see any further. whichever the reason, god reminded me that yes, no matter how immeasurable and immense the ocean may seem, there is a point where it ends, and where i wont be able to see it. but there is no shore to god's ocean of love. its waters continue on and on, stretching millions and billions of miles on end. there is no boundary line of his love where the land meets the sea, where the waters stop rising and falling. and even when i cant see it with my own limited mind and eyes, even when i think it has stopped after a certain amount of enormousity-- gods love still continues, even when i cant see it or even when im not aware that its there. even when i think that god has loved and given enough to me -- no, there is still more love that god wants to pour out, more of himself he wants to give because there is no limit.

it amazed me that at the moment when i was marveling at the utter vastness of this ocean, the lord would tell me that love is even greater than this. how much more unsearchable, unfathomable, and unlimited his love for you and me must be!

lord help this limited mind grasp the full depth of your limitless love. i confess lord that my view of you is still so narrow and small, and i do not know if i still fully understand this revelation of your love... but please, help me to really know your love, beyond what i knew growing up, beyond what little i know of it now. give me eyes to see when i cannot percieve and give me ears to hear when i cannot understand.

“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”[b]—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—

these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.
-(1 cor 2:9-10)

Monday, August 22, 2011

cry in my heart

theres a cry in my heart
for your glory to fall
for your presence to fill up
my senses.

theres a yearning again,
a thirst for discipline,
a hunger for thigs that are deeper

could you take me beyond?
could you carry me through
if i open my heart could i go there with you?
cause ive been there before
and i know theres still more

oh lord i need to know you.

for what do i have? if i dont have you jesus
what in this life could mean anymore
you are my rock
you are my glory
you are the lifter of my head

wow. as this song was running through my head, i shockingly realized how much the words paralled exactly what i was going through in my life, word for word.
i had listened to this song 4 years ago and it was one of my favorite songs back then, but i didnt really understand it. the chorus was the most catchy to me, as it resonated with how i felt about having jesus mean the world to me.

but now listening to this song, i realize that its a song that most depicts the prodigal son. how the son left the father in search for his own desires and riches but after dabbling in these worldy pleasures, he relizes that he has nothing and is nothing without the father. the son returns to the father in search for a life more than what haswhen he was living as he pleased. he realizes everything he once had and everything hes lost through the cry of his heart to be once again in the presence of the father.

and after trying to live life my own way,
i am exhausted.
there is no joy in following the things that i please, in placing more gravity on the ephemeral rather than the eternal. i want to return back to the father--and there is a cry once again in my heart for his intimate presence, a thirst and a hunger for things that are deeper, for things that cannot be found by merely searching in the physical. i realize that this need cannot be satisfied through the people i surround myself with, the things that i buy, the identity that i try to create, the love that i find, or even the amount of "holy" things that i do. this ringing yearning for more-- only god himself can satisfy.

could you take me beyond? can you carry me through? if i open my heart, could i go there with you? lord, i want to go to a place beyond that is more heart-penetrating, more wholesomely-satisfying, more thirst-quenching than the shallow waters that i have been setting foot in. but at the same time im scared. i dont really know why... i dont want to hold any of myself from him but i feel hesistant to pour everything i have. i feel as if a part of me is scared to let go of the things that i have because i am too focused on the death of self, the sacrifice, than the resurrection and exceeding life that follows. lord could you carry me through, because i dont know if i can ever make this on my own. lord, if i open my heart, could i go to that sweet, secret place with you? can you take me there once again, even if the attempts of my heart are still so feeble?

for surely i have been there before, and i know that there is so much more. i know in the deepest deep that there is so much more than the life that i am living now. lord, i remember. i remember those times when i would go so deep with you, when i was filled with exhilirating joy at every word of the living scriptures, when i would gaze at the sky with love-struck wonderment and daze at the beauty of your majesty, when i would wake up every morning afreshed and awakened by the overflowing love that you poured into my heart.
when all i wanted was to be intimately and deeply in communion with you.

oh lord... i need to know you.

for what do i have, if i dont have you? what in the whole universe could possibly replace you? what in the whole world could compare to you? what in this life could mean more than you, could hold more weight or significance than you? if i dont have all of you lord, i have nothing. no amount of intelligence or beauty or glory or talent or relationships or possesions or passion would be sufficient enough to even come close in worth.

oh lord, i need to know you.
please take this wandering heart of mine and fulfill the cry of my heart.