About Me

This blog is dedicated to the glorification of my King Jesus Christ.

Monday, October 25, 2010

It's not a revival

its not about encountering a new movement of God across the campuses, across this nation.
its not even about witnessing a new revival.
revival is just a fancy term, just a to describe the very core of what an awakening is—
because its ultimately just seeking after the face of god.

continually beholding the face of god, continually drinking in his presence is the core of a revival. Revival is essentially intimately and powerfully beholding his face in a way that transforms everything inside of us, a metamorphosis that unfolds into a new creation. because we cannot give what we do not have, if we are not continuously seeking his face, then we cannot allow other people to see his face. we cannot bring heaven down to earth because Heaven is God’s magnificent, overwhelming and intoxicating presence and glory.

But its not even about revival. yes, revival is good... and every beat of my heart cries out for a new awakening of God, for God to shake up our lives and the lives of every soul in this nation. But this weekend I realized that I had been putting my hopes in the wrong thing. yes, my soul cries for more fire to consume all of the people around me, for revival to shake the very grounds of my campus, my church, and this nation... but my hope is not in revival... my hope is in Jesus.

revival is the arrival of the Lord’s glory, and in his breathtaking and shining glory is his POWER and his PRESENCE. it is in his presence that we behold his splendor...and it is also in his presence that everything else will follow. This weekend God kept on reiterating to me through sermons how vital his presence, intimacy with god, was in my life. Jesus calls us to intimacy by telling us to abide in him like a branch stays connected to the vine... without the vine, the branches would wither away. yet, as jesus calls us to abide in him, he is also inviting us to live in complete dependency and communion with him, cultivating intimacy through that connection. And through this connection, through the intimacy with Jesus he promises us that we will bear fruit! so if we keep seeking after the face of god, everything will come after that—revival, breakthroughs, anointings, joy, and all the other fruits of the spirit.


today is the first day of the California campus wide 21 day Daniel fast, and I cant contain my excitement because I know the Lord will come like a brilliant and pure song resounding in our hearts. I know there will be breakthroughs and shiftings in the atmosphere to prepare the way for more of the glory of god!

as for UCI, we plan to gather 3 times a day to pray during this fast: 7am, 12pm, and 7pm.
but because of this weekend, now more than ever, I don’t want UCI to be known as the place where revival broke forth, but a place where students are radically in love with the Lord, who fervently seek his face every moment of their lives. I want UCI to be an army of lovers, deeply in love and consumed with his glory. because honestly, God is more concerned about our hearts and our intimacy with him than he is about revival, for revival is only a byproduct of the goodness of experiencing his face.

its not a revival. its people gathered hungrily and fervently seeking after His glorious face.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Day 13 of 40-- prayer request #2

This weekend was by far one of the hardest weekends I have had this whole year.

I came back home to Pasadena on Friday, and the minute I got home tensions were so high between my mom and I. I don't really want to go into so much detail, but my mom started scrutinizing everything about me and then wouldn't talk to me, and at the dinner table she couldn't stop talking about why I was fasting. After dinner my sister and I drove to church for Friday night fellowship, and on the way there I cried because I felt so rejected by my mom and I kept thinking about how I should have handled this situation differently...

Since I could remember, my mom hasn't been this mad at me for at least years... and the same arguing continued saturday, and into sunday. It got even worse when grace stepped in to try to help my mom understand, and then they were arguing as well.

later that sunday night i was talking with my sister and i became so convicted of my sins and how often my pride can cause me to think that I am always right. I had been wanting to take out the needle in someone else's eyes when there was such a huge problem in my own eyes. I had been complaining about wanting my parents to have a change of mind and a softened heart towards this situation, and ive been desiring so desperately for them to understand why I am doing these things, that it's not just because I'm "crazy"; yet, I have failed to understand them and see things from their eyes.
If I want them to change... I must change first. How can I expect them to change if I am unwilling to change? Why should I expect someone to understand me, when I should be first reconciling with them and assessing all their concerns and the reasons for worry?

yes... i do feel a bit persecuted by my family... but even when Jesus was mocked at, trampled on, and beaten-- he still loved his enemies. The son of God, who was completely holy and blameless, did not even consider for one moment now badly he was being treated, but only focused on even saving those who wanted to kill him. For the Jesus did not come into the world to be ministered to, but to give his life up as a ransom for many--even the ones who hated and killed him!

I am again, in desperate need of God's grace in my life, for me to have this same attitude towards my family and even all those who will hate me...
more humbleness and grace to love my parents the way God loves them, despite the circumstances or the arguments that may occur...to learn how to appreciate them and see how beloved they are through god's eyes. And more love in general because love conquers all and overcomes all and prevails through all... this is my prayer for now.

other than that, God is still very very very good! wish i had time to write it all though, but i will try to post a few things (hopefully short things :]) haha.

God bless!
keep pressing into Him and keep praying because theres SO MUCH POWER in prayer. Its like the invisible force behind every major/ or minor battle ;]

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I shall not want -- day 7 of 40

Oh Lord... I really do have to repent for making this fast more about the foods I could/couldnt eat than about my state of mind and heart.
This daniel fast is to abstain from worldly pleasures by rejecting any pleasurable foods (hence, no meats or sweets) but its ultimately about rejecting any worldly desires that may come across--to forgo desirable foods in the physical sense is actually only a tangible representation of what is happening in the spiritual sense: to deny oneself of one's own yearnings.

And I was just walking around UCI finding myself in want-- in want of more I guess? To be more like this person, or that person, or to want what this person has and that person had... and not truly being satisfied with the way God made me/ gifted me. Sigh... imagine how God must feel when he sees me behaving that way... eekk!
>.< not goooodd... especially because he created me with such specificity and perfection-- and he does ALL things well. ALL THINGS WELL. Who me? haha... yes... even me. All of creation is good-- but when he created man, He said that it was VERY GOOD.

And its so so funny the way God uses my classes to speak to me. In my English class we read a poem by Shakepeare (Sonnet 29); which spoke directly to my desirous state:

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on Thee,--and then my state
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For Thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
-William Shakespeare

haha yes... the lord is super sweet :,].I made a few tweeks at the end of the poem... Shakespeare meant to write this about a woman, but I capitalized the "Thee" so that it refers to God (far better than any love on earth! ;])-- and I knew He was using this poem to speak to me, telling me,
"What more do you want when you have the GREATEST, UNCHANGING, COVANENTIAL, SACRIFICIAL love that is Me? What more can you find in this world that can outmatch Who I am or what I have already given you?"

and oh, when i think of Christ's vast, unconditional love for me... man! I would never trade my position even for the state of kings!
I dwell with the Most High King who has given me MORE than i could ever ask or even hope for! I am his warrior-princess, for he has armed me STRONG for battle... and its not even a battle to be lost! there is ensured victory since the day of creation.

so my prayer now is that the Lord would continue to fill me with the fullness of Christ, that he may dwell RICHLY and ABUNDANTLY in me so that I may never be in want, but in COMPLETE SATISFACTION in Him that is perfection, in him where there is no lack. To be completely and utterly satisfied with Christ is to live life with the fullest and most wonderful abundance. This is my prayer.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the
Lord forever.
-Psalm 23

Monday, October 11, 2010

day 4 of 40, Prayer request #1

Please pray that my parents would have softened hearts towards me as I continue to pursue God…yesterday my mom called me at 10:30 p.m. and gave me a 30-minute lecture on how I shouldn’t be too extreme about God. She said that God wanted me to take care of my body, and that he provided so many resources for me so I should take advantage of them and make sure ‘m eating right. She said,

“Joyce, I can accept if you want to fast for a day or two, but 40 days?! Don’t you think that’s too extreme?! Why are you even fasting?? And don’t give me the ‘God told me to fast answer; I don’t want to hear it. How do you even know God told you to fast? You don’t need to fast… just because Daniel fasted in the Old testament doesn’t mean that you need to too… we’re living in the new testament now. And what churches have you been going to lately? It better not be those churches where they get into the spirit , because they get too crazy….”

What should I do?… I know my mom loves me… and I really love her too… and I know she’s worried about me because she loves me. She only lectures me because she wants me to be healthy and has my best in mind. I didn’t expect her to buy me groceries… I was just going to Albertson’s and buy what I needed, but my mom ended up getting vegetables for me… thankyou mom… she even cooked vegetarian soup for me :’].

My parents came to drop off my food for me yesterday night at 1 a.m. and we were clearing the fridge of all the meats and things I couldn’t eat for now. When I handed my rice to my mom, my dad looked at me with the most disgusted/ angry face I have ever seen…

“You can’t even eat RICE??! Even vegetarians can eat rice! What kind of fast are you doing?!?”

Of course… he couldn’t really raise his voice at me because we were inside my hall, but it made me feel so hurt, because my dad totally disapproves of my fast and hates that I’m fasting because he thinks I’m throwing my life away… I need more grace to love my dad…

Please pray for grace to love my parents and for their change of heart. I would love them to support me in my fast… and I truly want them to know god more… my dad isn’t Christian, so every time I do something “extreme” he just thinks im crazy…. I just want them to know god and understand why giving up everything for him is worth it.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

how it all began...

on Tuesday as I was reading the bible in the student center, suddenly God told me to go on a 40-day Daniel fast. really god? what should I pray about while I fast?
and all these thoughts swept in my mind, such as ... if I don’t eat anymore sweets, how will I stay awake in class? god, will I have enough energy to survive during the day? Who is going to keep me accountable? will I be doing this alone...
but okay god if you want me to I will fast... please bring me clarity and vision while I fast...

it was not long from that moment that god then revealed to me why he wanted me to fast. The next day on Wednesday night some people from International House of Prayer came down to UC Irvine doing something they call the Purple Pig Tour. These people came all the way from Kansas city to California, visiting multiple colleges to encourage them to start revivals on campus and calling them to a culture of prayer and a life of mission. It was here that the speaker said, “ I am encouraging you to live the same lifestyle that Daniel did, to fast and pray, to be set apart from everyone else in your campus so that things can actually happen, so that revival can break forth from the place of prayer. It’s not enough to just sit and listen to a good message! we’ve heard too many! There needs to be an inward conviction that moves into action.”

As The speaker was saying this, everything in the inside of me was screaming,
YES LORD! YES JESUS! we need to pray and contend for revival! We need a new Jesus movement Lord! if we don’t take action, Lord, people are going to die... I don’t want to just sit in the sidelines God and let things be... someone needs to rise up...

~~ And suddenly the reason for doing the 40-day Daniel fast became clear to me--he wanted me to pray for revival! haha... he was calling me to be set apart, like Daniel was in the midst of Babylon, in the midst of idolatry and sin. And suddenly I knew—He doesn’t want me to do this on my own, he wanted me to mobilize the faithful so that we can all contend together as ONE BODY for God’s coming, for when two or more are gathered, there God is also. He wanted to give to others the same conviction of fasting he gave to me, and he was calling me to challenge the other students in UCI to fast along with me. God WANTS revival to happen in Irvine! He is SO DESIRIOUS to come forth like a mighty and rushing wind, to sweep people off their feet, to bring a new movement that would usher in a numerous amount of souls into His kingdom. That is what God wanted ever since day one, and that is his burning passion—to see His glory manifest among ALL nations, and to see people saved and come to have the intimate knowledge of Him. oh, how he desires for all to know—to truly know Him and to fellowship and commune with him daily. He is like an all-consuming fire, there is none as desirous as He.... he is just waiting for his people who desire Him, who are willing to do whatever it is He is calling them to do.

I’m so excited for what God is about to do... I’m so excited and I’m praying for a new revival... But before God brings a new revival to our nation, there needs to be a reviving in us. Have you lost your first love for Jesus? Does your heart burn for him the same way that he burns for you? How worthy is he to you? And if he truly is as worthy as we say he is, if he truly is as worthy as all the angels in heaven say he is, if he truly is the worthy lamb that was slain—then what are we doing to show how worthy he is?
I just came back this weekend from a fuel school conference, and I was tackled with this same question to ponder. The speaker spoke directly to my heart—

“There is a WORTHY lamb that was slain for OUR own iniquities, and if we truly understood that, we would give him EVERYTHING; there needs to be a proportionate response to the magnitude of his worthiness.”

Jesus’ worthiness is so magnificent that the only proportionate response to the enormity of his holiness and worthiness is to offer up our WHOLE lives to him...
I myself needed to repent of this, for I had lost that burning first love I had when He first unveiled himself before me.
Lord, do I truly understand how worthy You are? If I truly did grasp it, my life would look so different! Everything I do, every moment I have, and every breath I take would be for you and your kingdom... God unveil my eyes! I need to see you and your full glory Lord... God be my consuming fire...Be my true love....

Brothers and sisters I also challenge you with this question—how worthy is Jesus to you? Is he worthy enough for you to give your whole life to him? Is he still first in your heart? return to him... he is beckoning you to a deeper love relationship with him...

Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth."
(Hosea 6:1-3)