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This blog is dedicated to the glorification of my King Jesus Christ.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I shall not want -- day 7 of 40

Oh Lord... I really do have to repent for making this fast more about the foods I could/couldnt eat than about my state of mind and heart.
This daniel fast is to abstain from worldly pleasures by rejecting any pleasurable foods (hence, no meats or sweets) but its ultimately about rejecting any worldly desires that may come across--to forgo desirable foods in the physical sense is actually only a tangible representation of what is happening in the spiritual sense: to deny oneself of one's own yearnings.

And I was just walking around UCI finding myself in want-- in want of more I guess? To be more like this person, or that person, or to want what this person has and that person had... and not truly being satisfied with the way God made me/ gifted me. Sigh... imagine how God must feel when he sees me behaving that way... eekk!
>.< not goooodd... especially because he created me with such specificity and perfection-- and he does ALL things well. ALL THINGS WELL. Who me? haha... yes... even me. All of creation is good-- but when he created man, He said that it was VERY GOOD.

And its so so funny the way God uses my classes to speak to me. In my English class we read a poem by Shakepeare (Sonnet 29); which spoke directly to my desirous state:

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on Thee,--and then my state
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For Thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
-William Shakespeare

haha yes... the lord is super sweet :,].I made a few tweeks at the end of the poem... Shakespeare meant to write this about a woman, but I capitalized the "Thee" so that it refers to God (far better than any love on earth! ;])-- and I knew He was using this poem to speak to me, telling me,
"What more do you want when you have the GREATEST, UNCHANGING, COVANENTIAL, SACRIFICIAL love that is Me? What more can you find in this world that can outmatch Who I am or what I have already given you?"

and oh, when i think of Christ's vast, unconditional love for me... man! I would never trade my position even for the state of kings!
I dwell with the Most High King who has given me MORE than i could ever ask or even hope for! I am his warrior-princess, for he has armed me STRONG for battle... and its not even a battle to be lost! there is ensured victory since the day of creation.

so my prayer now is that the Lord would continue to fill me with the fullness of Christ, that he may dwell RICHLY and ABUNDANTLY in me so that I may never be in want, but in COMPLETE SATISFACTION in Him that is perfection, in him where there is no lack. To be completely and utterly satisfied with Christ is to live life with the fullest and most wonderful abundance. This is my prayer.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the
Lord forever.
-Psalm 23

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