Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Day 13 of 40-- prayer request #2
This weekend was by far one of the hardest weekends I have had this whole year.
I came back home to Pasadena on Friday, and the minute I got home tensions were so high between my mom and I. I don't really want to go into so much detail, but my mom started scrutinizing everything about me and then wouldn't talk to me, and at the dinner table she couldn't stop talking about why I was fasting. After dinner my sister and I drove to church for Friday night fellowship, and on the way there I cried because I felt so rejected by my mom and I kept thinking about how I should have handled this situation differently...
Since I could remember, my mom hasn't been this mad at me for at least years... and the same arguing continued saturday, and into sunday. It got even worse when grace stepped in to try to help my mom understand, and then they were arguing as well.
later that sunday night i was talking with my sister and i became so convicted of my sins and how often my pride can cause me to think that I am always right. I had been wanting to take out the needle in someone else's eyes when there was such a huge problem in my own eyes. I had been complaining about wanting my parents to have a change of mind and a softened heart towards this situation, and ive been desiring so desperately for them to understand why I am doing these things, that it's not just because I'm "crazy"; yet, I have failed to understand them and see things from their eyes.
If I want them to change... I must change first. How can I expect them to change if I am unwilling to change? Why should I expect someone to understand me, when I should be first reconciling with them and assessing all their concerns and the reasons for worry?
yes... i do feel a bit persecuted by my family... but even when Jesus was mocked at, trampled on, and beaten-- he still loved his enemies. The son of God, who was completely holy and blameless, did not even consider for one moment now badly he was being treated, but only focused on even saving those who wanted to kill him. For the Jesus did not come into the world to be ministered to, but to give his life up as a ransom for many--even the ones who hated and killed him!
I am again, in desperate need of God's grace in my life, for me to have this same attitude towards my family and even all those who will hate me...
more humbleness and grace to love my parents the way God loves them, despite the circumstances or the arguments that may occur...to learn how to appreciate them and see how beloved they are through god's eyes. And more love in general because love conquers all and overcomes all and prevails through all... this is my prayer for now.
other than that, God is still very very very good! wish i had time to write it all though, but i will try to post a few things (hopefully short things :]) haha.
keep pressing into Him and keep praying because theres SO MUCH POWER in prayer. Its like the invisible force behind every major/ or minor battle ;]