the lost will be be found

i have experienced the joy of knowing what god feels when one sinner repents, when one soul turns to jesus and all of heaven is rejoicing and celebrating over this seemingly small, but truly great victory.

in japan i had the amazing oppurtunity to share the gospel to three people, and out of the three, one of them accepted. although the numbers are so few, i felt god's heart and his love when i was sharing the gospel to that one individual who accepted the gospel and wanted to receive jesus christ as his personal savior and lord! hallelujiah! and as we prayed together for the first time (his name was shogo), i was moved to tears to see how his heart was so open to Jesus, and how he was asking God into his life. truly, all of heaven was dancing and celebrating because the stronghold of hades has been broken from his heart, because of this small but truly life changing and significant decision to follow after Jesus. even though he was just one person i know god was pleased.


a lot of people call japan the missionary graveyard. coming out of japan, i can understand and see why. i was told that it takes an average of about 10-20 years for a person to truly accept christ into their life. No doubt, japan is definately hard soil to toil in, and i dont know if i can explain all of their social, cultural and religious barriers by just blogging about it here. it was personally very hard for me as well, but one thing i am thankful for is the oppurtunity to share the gospel with a few people in japan, because even getting the oppurtunity to share is more difficult.


even though it seems like god's spirit is moving slowly through the country of japan, i know it doesnt have to be. i know that the lord has the power to turn hearts and transform lives in an instant. i know that once a person encounters the living love of christ, their life will never be the same-- because god's love is that strong. oh holy spirit, would you truly enliven and enlighten the japanese's hearts to the knowledge that there is an amazing father in heaven who loves them beyond what they could even fathom, that there is a love greater than what they could ever hope for or imagine. abba father would you encounter your japanese sons and daughters with your love in a way that is life changing--and in a way where they cannot deny surrendering all of their past for the sake of following after you!

When we are weak, He is strong

god chooses the weak to shame the strong,
the foolish things of this world to shame the wise,
the despised things of the world to shame the glorious and glamourous.


why was Israel, out of all the many various tribes and nations, chosen to be the channel of blessing in which all the world might be saved? Why was Israel picked to be the most abundant, overflowing, and victorious nation, the one whom god gaurded, protected, and blessed? Why was Israel privliedged to be the people who would see God's glory and majesty displayed like no other, set apart since the very beginning of time to be a holy priesthood and nations for the manifesting glory of god?


because israel was the smallest and most despised tribe at the time.

no one would ever suspect that such a small nation would be strong enough to defeat the hittites, the amaelekites, the egyptians. but that is the beauty of god. he loves to exalt the lowly and bring down the haughty. He loves to use the most unexpected people, the most foolish things to bring him the most glory so that the world will know that it cannot be a result of humanly strength, wisdom, or power--but only through God and God alone.


and even though the churches may be small here in Japan,
even though there may be few believers,
even though it may seem almost impossible for the nation of Japan to come to to the genuine saving knowledge of christ,
even though it may seem like japan is the most unlikely country to truly love you because of so many hardened hearts,

lord i believe that you have great plans for the nation.
Something that I've noticed here in Japan is that the believers and the missionaries here have great endurance, for the pastor stated that the average believer takes about 10-20 years to fully make the decision of accepting christ. But the chritans here are true believers, for they do not take christianity lightly. The missionaries and Christains here know what it means to be patient and long-suffering. I see a certain humility in the japanese church's hearts. Because they are small they know they need to lean on Him for strength.
Lord i believe that you will use the small churches here in japan to bring you the utmost glory, to usher in a reviving of the peoples hearts. I believe that you desire to pour out your spirit and Your love upon this nation like new wine, revitalizing the nation's heartbeat after you once again. I believe you will change and break this nation to be one who shines in the darkness-- and you will do it through the few believers and the small churches here in this land, through the meek and the lowly. For when we are weak, Lord You and strongest.

and that is all we need.

japan update/ prayer request #1

It is currently 2am in japan, and this is my 5th day here. All my teamates have already gone to bed, but I feel compelled to write for a bit. god has been definitely been challenging me and stretching me so much, but he still knows how much I can handle and what I cant handle. I feel like I am a rubber band being stretched out to what I think is the farthest it can go, but since rubber is elastic, there is never an end to how much more it can be stretched. i keep on thinking and asking god, how much more must i endure? Even though I felt that I was being stretched beyond my limit, I have a feeling that God is telling me that he wants to stretch my wineskin more so that there will be more room for him to pour more in. the intense stretching and the breaking of my outer man has definately been an excruciatingly painful process, but i want to hold on to the the hope that at the end of the fire, i will have a heart, a passion, and a faith that is as pure as gold.

One thing that im struggling with is hearing god clearly here in japan. I don’t know if its because theres something wrong with me, whether it’s the environment that im in, or whether its god choosing to be more silent so that I could learn how to trust him more…but not clearly being able to hear him when I need him most has been definitely a challenge to me. I was struggling with the spirit of fear as I was coming into japan… fears and doubts about this missions trip. I must confess that I was questioning god’s plan for my life—questioning him calling me to japan, questioning why i was put in this team, and questioning whether or not it was truly worthwhile to come here for only three weeks. will me being here for such a short period of time be enough to bear fruit? i am definately so far from being perfect, as i realize that my trust in god is still small.

Something that god showed me when this year started was that this would be the year that he would grow me in stature and character, and i was so excited when i first heard this. Little did I know though, that growing in stature meant the stripping and pruning of the things that are ungodly—desires that are not of him, my habits that are not of him, different mindsets, my sins....its definately not been easy though, but i know that this discipline god takes me through will in turn reap a harvest of righteousness. a verse that comes to mind that has been so comforting in this time of testing is hebrews 12--

7 It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ... Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our certain good, so that we may share His holiness. 11 All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

- hebrews 12: 7-11


god disciplines us becasue he want us to be more holy like him, to bear the fruit of righteousness when we have been constantly trained and refined. this fruit of righteosness that we bear will result in a conformity to gods will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with god ( taken from the amplified bible). i definately feel like god has been disciplining me and training me to endure during this season of growing in stature and character. . i can see the ways in which he is shaping me to be more perservering, to be more patient, to be more loving, and to be long-suffering. all of these qualities and characterisitics goes hand in hand with the building of stature and charater... and will probably take you through the most painful journey to learn and obtain these characteristics. perhaps this japan trip will be the ultimate test of my character, a place where god wants to refine me even more quickly because he wants my life to bear a greater harvest of righteousness and holiness. During this time in japan, i have been clinging onto this praticular verse for comfort--

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight

-(Proverbs 3:5-6)


lord help me to see with your eyes and love with your heart. not by my power or my own strength, but it is only by and through your spirit oh lord that these people in japan will be changed. oh lord i want to trust that your ways are truly higher than mine and your thoughts so much deeper than what i can even begin to fathom so i will not lean on my own understanding, on what i see and hear through these human eyes.

to go where you go
to say what you say
to serve how you serve
to love how you love
to do what you do


i will follow you.

Call to Japan

When I first felt that God was calling me to go to Japan a month and a half ago, I was shocked because it was so contrary to what i had thought god wanted me to do, and what i had already planned to do. I was already set on taking summer school and staying at home because God had been showing me the importance of loving the people around me and being faithful with the little. He’s been putting an immense desire in my heart to love the people closest to me with all that I have and to faithfully steward that one ‘talent’ god has given me (as in the parable). In my mind, loving the people around me meant staying in Irvine in the summer. although I have always been a "go-go-go person, the lord has been teaching me the reward of stillness and so I had surrendered my desire to go to the nations, believing that in the right season, God would allow me to go.

It was during one of my prayer times where I was moved to pray for japan because I heard from a friend that they weren’t getting as much help as they should be, and even some people are scared to go to Japan right now because it was too dangerous.
“How can this be?” I thought. Japan is at its pinnacle of chaos right now and they are the ones that need the most help. why is that god’s people are not being his hands and feet, his salt and light to a people who are desperately seeking help and answers? I prayed, asking God to bring more laborers in the field, for His glory to shine bigger and brighter....and it was then during this time where I felt that God was prompting me to go to Japan--that I wouldn’t just pray for laborers, but that He wanted me to be the answer to my prayer.


A part of me wrestled with God even when he prompted me . I had already adjusted my mind and was set on staying in Irvine this summer, to be comfortable and to take classed in order to catch up on my double-major. To be honest, prior to this incident Japan was one of the farthest countries from my heart. Never in my life would I ever want to go to Japan. I wanted to be far away from countries that were immersed in materialism and technology, and I kept asking God if he would let me go to Africa or India for missions, or a small remote village where life was simple.
So during a missions team meeting I told God,
“lord you know my heart...but if You want me to go to Japan, please give me a supernatural heart for them so that I can know how much You love them.” Right after I finished praying this prayer, I started to weep in the Spirit and my whole body was shaking under His power and His love that was pouring into my heart. I began to feel God’s heart for them and how he longed to bring restoration and redemption into their lives. From then on God continued to move my heart more and more for the country.

****I want to make a quick distinction between being overcome with emotion and being in the power of the spirit. When I say that I am “weeping in the spirit” it means that this is a conviction that is prompted by the spirit. It is not merely a feeling engendered by my own human means or effort—it is a heart revelation directly given by god. it is supernatural and cannot be created by our own natural means. My heart was moved supernaturally by the Holy spirit, and this weeping in the spirit is the same experience that I had when God called me to stay in my home church; against my own will and heart, I literally weeped in the spirit for an entire week over my church and its people, and this was the first time I actually knew and felt how much god loved my church.****



However, despite the fact that God had showed me his heart for Japan, I was going through a season of incredible dryness and darkness (as written in my previous blog). The past month has been the driest period I have experienced in my entire life, and I was faced with so many different temptations. I had lost all the joy I used to have in Christ, lost my desire to pursue Christ and began to question if I truly did wanted to go to Japan and if God really did call me. a thousand doubts and fears seeped into my mind, and I felt exactly like Moses when God commissioned him to go to Egypt to set his people free.

--But lord, I’m not right with you right now, and my heart isn’t in the right place. I am so hard.
---but lord, how can I share your gospel when I’m not fully living it out?
---but lord, I am so not ready...i think I might be more of a hindrance to the team and I don’t know if I can even be effective
--but Lord, what about my parents? what would they say about me wanting to go to japan?
---but lord, I don’t know if I heard you correctly. What if this is my own desire to go?
---but lord, I have back and health problems..
---but lord, is this the right season and the right time to go?
---but lord, I really cant do much... theres already other people going to japan that
you could use

needless to say, I felt like the most unqualified person alive, and didn’t believe that God actually wanted me to go to japan, nor did I fully believe he could use me. I was swarmed with fear and doubt, and in the midst of this darkness I forgot what it meant t o trust in Him. But even as I told God that I couldn’t go to Japan, my spirit did not feel at peace.
As the deadlines were approaching and the missions trip was coming in a month in a half, I had almost wanted to give up any prospect of going to Japan, deeming it safer and easier for me to just stay in Irvine this summer. I knew I had to make a decision soon and quickly.

----------------------------


this past Thursday I went to KCCC, and we were having our missions send-off night. It was here that I told him, Lord if you do not show me today what you would like me to do clearly, I will decide not to go.
But oh how God is so faithful, and when He opens a door, truly no one, not anything, can ever shut any door that He intends to open.
It was at this night where he spoke to me loudly and clearly, breaking my heart again for what broke His. After weeks of being completely unfeeling, unmoving, and completely passive towards God, he put in me a fresh fire and burden, reminding me again of his heart to see every peoples of every nation come to know him, that they might also be saved!
and as he was speaking to me, he gave me a grave urgency to share his word, and it was then that I realized the necessity and the importance of the gospel is so much more important, so much greater than any of my inhibitions and fears. It was here that God opened up my eyes to see that the root of all my problems was my immense lack of faith— I felt chastised by God because I remembered that one cannot please God without faith.

I told him,
“Lord you know my heart... and you also know that I have never been in this lukewarm state in my entire life, and this is the driest season that I have ever been in... lord im sorry that all I have to offer you right now is my broken worship. But if you truly want me to go, I am willing to lay aside all my fears, my inhibitions, my feelings of doubt and insecurity... for the sake of your gospel lord. because you are greater, you are worthier and i want to trust you. Right then when I made that final decision, I knew in my spirit that this was the way God wanted me to go. finally, after a month of wrestling with Him, I felt at peace.

Things turned out well with my mom as well, as I called her after this and asked her again for the third time if she would let me go to japan. she told me that although she did not personally want me to go because it was dangerous, if god wanted me to go she could do nothing to stop it, and that I was old enough to make my own decisions.

***********

the righteous shall live by faith.
although I am still slowly learning exactly what it means to live by faith, I want to go to Japan with wholehearted trust in God’s perfect love, timing, and nature.
I want to be able to walk by faith, and not by sight. In my natural sight it seemed so improbable for me to go, but faith is not seeing; it comes through hearing. And God quieted my soul, allowing me to hear his whispers and his promptings and his heart, thus, I want to respond in faith.
lord to go where you go and say what you say,
to be your hands and feet, a jar that is emptied for you to use and fill however you may see fit.


here I am Lord, though incapable, though broken, though weak
Here I am lord, ready to do your will
here I am lord,

send me.